Two months have gone by since I quit my day job, and my blog seems to have crumbled due to my lack of posts as I feel like I have nothing to say.
But the thing is – it’s not really true that I have nothing to say. I often think about what my next post will be about and constantly come up with ideas that will be entertaining. But then I think about the reason I began this endeavor – to encourage others that are going through similar journeys to mine, and also to have a record of my personal growth from the day I stopped working for someone other than myself.
And I thought I didn’t really have anything to add in terms of either the progress I’ve made in my journey, or the regression that has occurred. Things were moving, but moving at a very slow pace.
It’s always darkest before dawn
In my first blog post, I explained my reasons for leaving my career. I had stopped growing as a person, and life was growing increasingly darker. Then I had an epiphany: quit and be happy.
So I did. And I am.
And crazy things occurred that made me question my decision and my overall financial stability, and though my demeanor remained calm, my thoughts went dark.
What will happen if…? was a mainstay in the recesses of my mind.
Then breakthroughs began.
Some of the breakthroughs that occurred within me I’m actually just beginning to realize. Such as the fact that I came to a decision to simply be honest with people – that’s a huge breakthrough for me!
Honesty comes naturally to some people. Not to me. Not that I lie all the time (though some of my friends would playfully suggest otherwise), but I don’t usually let people into my self. Into my real feelings and my real life.
Throughout the years, I’ve built enough walls to build a fortress around my innermost self, and though I prided myself in being “an open book” when I was asked a question, I would often divert when I was asked about my life. I’d happily share opinions and things I noticed about people/things/life in general, and I’d even try to share what was happening in my mind, but when it came to what was going on in my life, in my family, in the areas of my life that I hold most dear, I would refrain from speaking about it unless it was assuredly positive.
Lately, I’ve made a true effort to open up about my life to others, which has helped bring friendships closer and, in my opinion, made me a more likable person. (Lesson: be honest to yourself and others. If they don’t like the person you really are, why try to fool them into liking a person who you aren’t?)
Other breakthroughs I have seen in the past couple of months include breakthroughs in my mindset, in the spiritual and the physical.
A lot of those breakthroughs came in one fell swoop, dealing with my larynx.
Most who know me that are reading this post know that I am a singer. I became the lead singer of a Baton Rouge-based band called Rewind in January 2013. What nobody knows is that I’ve had a knot in the back of my throat for about two years that has done nothing but grow in discomfort, literally and mentally.
My mind raced for the last year, wondering what it could be. Vocal chord nodules? Polyps? Something worse? Cancer?
I knew I needed to get checked out, but I couldn’t handle it financially, so I just kept singing, and kept thinking terrible thoughts about what could possibly be ailing my throat and voice.
I thought about my lack of healthcare and the cost of a doctor’s visit where a specialist snakes a camera down the throat cavity. That’s gonna cost a lot!
What if they find something? I’d have to get it taken care of, either through surgery or medication, or worse – long stints of vocal rest.
“I just quit my job! The only thing that’s making me money right now is singing on weekends with the band!” I thought. “That’s my livelihood!”
I broke down
I got rid of my thoughts and decided to do something to move forward (which is a process on its own – not as easily done as is said). So I made an appointment with a throat specialist. And I prayed. And I began to change my thoughts. And I became more honest with myself.
Long story short: the doctor found nothing wrong with my voice box. I grew, mentally and spiritually, in the process.
So things started looking up.
Then another breakthrough!
I received a message from a musician in the Baton Rouge/New Orleans area about a new band:
…has put together an all-star group of talent that is looking to perform for high money corporate events – many of our clients are out of state in Orlando, Atlanta, S. Carolina, Dallas, Las Vegas, etc.
We are looking for a dynamic front man and your name came up in a recent meeting…
I was asked to front another band. [*To all the Rewind folks reading this, no worries, if it happens, it’s a mid-week gig, so my weekends are still clear. We’re all good.]
But simply for my name to have come up in a meeting about an all-star group of talent in the area is so incredibly humbling. I really can’t begin to express how those words made me feel.
I’ve said from the beginning, I’m not sure how this story ends, but from dark to dawn, I’m enjoying this journey.
And I’m so glad dawn has arrived/is arriving.