Dazed and Confused

I’m confused. Well, my body is … and my brain.

I woke up early this morning, glanced around my dark bedroom and found the red numbers that represent the time on a nearby dresser.

7:30.

Then, without thinking, I reached down to the floor near my bed and checked my cell phone to, again, see what time it was, but also to check for text messages, emails, tweets, etc.

It’s become habitual.

Every day I wake up and check to see if there’s any semblance of news that I need to cover. Or see if I missed a call from someone important in reference to my newspaper.

Yesterday was my last day as editor of The West Side Journal newspaper. Sure, it’s a small weekly paper, but it was my life for more than seven years; and now my brain and body are confused, trying to figure out why I’m not getting up in preparation for the day.

It’s strange, being somewhere for so long, then suddenly not being there anymore. Yesterday was, very much so, a normal Tuesday. I had deadlines I had to meet, stories I had to write, pages I had to lay out.

When it was all said and done, I was in the office alone – well, me and the incoming editor. We chatted a short while. I gave him some advice, and we went on our way.

I left the office for the final time as editor. No big hoopla, no fanfare (why would there be? Editors don’t have fans.), just me locking the door behind me for the last time.

And then it hit me.

No, actually, it didn’t. Nothing hit me.

Nothing had time to hit me. I went straight from the West Side Journal office in Port Allen to Baton Rouge to meet with my “Geaux Love Africa” partner, Nathan Dewberry – we were set to interview a photographer who was considering joining us on our mission to Madagascar in October.

We talked over Facetime with the photographer, as she lives in Illinois, for more than an hour, explaining in detail what we do, the challenges we face, etc.

If that project is something you’re interested in knowing more about, check outwww.geauxloveafrica.com

Oh, also, we were on the local news here in Baton Rouge on Monday. Here’s the video:

http://www.wafb.com/clip/11362664/local-photographers-mission-to-geaux-love-africa

*note: I don’t know how to embed the video straight into the blog, so I will just share the link – if someone can help me learn to embed properly, let me know.

Anyway, I went straight from my last day of work to working on my Geaux Love Africa project, so I didn’t give myself time to stop and think about the fact that that was my last day.

Now it’s sinking in.

I consider myself a real doer. I find things to do, I start projects, I’m great at coming up with ideas and making things better. But I am a terrible finisher. I constantly leave projects undone. I never completed the painting of my kitchen, which I started in 2010. I often begin reading books and never finish them. I cut my front lawn and leave the back for another day … or week … or never.

But, with my job, I’ve actually finished.

It’s a bit surreal.

And I thought I’d be ecstatic about it – and I’m sure I will be when I start getting things done – but as I sit here in my bed, thinking about the fact that I don’t have a job on this, my first morning of unemployment, I’m confused as to how I should feel.

I’m not at all questioning my decision, I’m just in the process of figuring out what my next step needs to be in order to find success.

Right now, I don’t exactly have an answer, but I promised myself I would be transparent with this blog, and that I would share my journey with anyone who wants to read along and be a part of it.

I guess when you’re in a place or a situation for so long and you finally get out – whether that place/situation was good, bad, abusive, loving, familiar or indifferent – you’re left dazed. Even if you have a plan in place to be successful, allowing yourself to decompress and setting your mind at ease is something that must be done in order to remain sane (if you were ever sane to begin with).

Keep reading. Hopefully I’ll have some sort of wisdom and insight in the next post, because today I just feel scatterbrained, dazed and confused.